The last true time that I ever made art-art that encompassed my whole being-that lifted me from the moment and gave me a reason for living the next few moments -was probably in my early teens-13,14 thereabouts. Since then- since feeling it all mattered more than anything else- I devoted my entire life to making and sharing those moments. To teach and in great times lift others to feel as I did as a young artist was glorious-beyond any other joy. Now I see that the attempt was a failure of reality.  This country cares so little for the up lift, the challenge of art that it chooses instead to give it pandering lip service -to seem as if creativity mattered. I contributed to that farce, that pandering hypocrisy willingly-just to be settled and admired. I cannot continue to do that anymore. The lie of arts education disgusts me now. It physically becomes impossible to pretend it matters. I must and desperately have to take whatever time I have left to return to those precious few moments of art making that captivated me from the beginning. This farce has to stop. Issues of comfort and health and security are irrelevant. I'll get through this somehow. That is my vow that is my prayer. Friday November 8th at 10:15 pm est