— T. S. Eliot
Saturday, December 31, 2011
by the sound of the water jar
cracking from the ice”
Idealism is what precedes experience;
cynicism is what follows.
Suicide of Leipzig burgomaster’s family (…) body of burgomaster’s daughter was almost a fashion shoot of a wax mannequin — her Nazi armband immaculately displayed, her lips parted as if waiting for a true love’s kiss that would revive her
Thursday, December 29, 2011
In among a group of about 250 people in the ballroom of the New York Hilton in 1976-first weekend of est when the "trainer" said the exact same thing... it felt like I had been slapped! I immediately raised my hand and as the microphone was being brought to me he turned to the crowd and said-"isn't it great when your intent is what you want...he knew he would get called on"! I haltingly repeated what he said-actually physically getting it and when I sat down I was hyperventilating. From then on the next few days were irrelevant - I had "got it".
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Mark Strand, “Lines for Winter”
as it gets cold and gray falls from the air
that you will go on
the same tune no matter where
you find yourself—
inside the dome of dark
or under the cracking white
of the moon’s gaze in a valley of snow.
Tonight as it gets cold
what you know which is nothing
but the tune your bones play
as you keep going. And you will be able
for once to lie down under the small fire
of winter stars.
And if it happens that you cannot
go on or turn back
and you find yourself
where you will be at the end,
in that final flowing of cold through your limbs
that you love what you are.
Monday, December 26, 2011
Living in the devil’s sex.
It will teach me how to seduce
Men, deer, angels with double wings.
It will take away my thirst, my clothing, my illusions
It will sleep
But my sleep runs across roofs
Murmuring, gesturing, violently making love
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Sense is this wonderful word which is used in two opposite meanings. On the one hand it means the organ of immediate apprehension, but on the other hand we mean by it the sense, the significance, the thought, the universal underlying the thing. And so sense is connected on the one hand with the immediate external aspect of existence, and on the other hand with its inner essence.
— Christian Kerslake, The Vertigo of Philosophy: Deleuze and the Problem of Immanence (via hollovv)
People speak sometimes about the “bestial” cruelty of man, but that is terribly unjust and offensive to beasts, no animal could ever be so cruel as a man, so artfully, so artistically cruel.— Fyodor Dostoyevsky
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God; all things were made through him, and without him was not anything made that was made. In him was life, and the life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.
There was a man sent from God, whose name was John. He came for testimony, to bear witness to the light, that all might believe through him. He was not the light, but came to bear witness to the light.
The true light that enlightens every man was coming into the world. He was in the world, and the world was made through him, yet the world knew him not. He came to his own home, and his own people received him not. But to all who received him, who believed in his name, he gave power to become children of God; who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God.
And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, full of grace and truth; we have beheld his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father. (John bore witness to him, and cried, “This was he of whom I said, ‘He who comes after me ranks before me, for he was before me.’”) And from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace. For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ. No one has ever seen God; the only Son, who is in the bosom of the Father, he has made him known.
- John 1:1-19
Turned into After, and the future’s
Uninvented timekeepers presented arms.
This was the moment when nothing
Happened. Only dull peace
Sprawled boringly over the earth.
This was the moment when even energetic Romans
Could find nothing better to do
Than counting heads in remote provinces.
And this was the moment
When a few farm workers and three
Members of an obscure Persian sect
Walked haphazard by starlight straight
Into the kingdom of heaven.
He walks his arc from dark to dark
and now the time has come to consider
his maturity, what others might call
his old age, even his declining years.
It rests beside him on a park bench
and others might think it’s a gorilla suit
with wooden teeth and the fur falling out
in clumps. But of course he knows better.
This is wisdom in disguise, he thinks,
this is my accumulated credibility.
Nice gorilla suit, people call out as they
dash toward the park’s many pleasures.
Maturity comes in a billion shapes
and his looks like a great ape. It’s not
sexy, he thinks, it won’t keep me warm
at night. But being a good sport, he wrestles it
over his head and chest, wiggles his hips,
pulls up the feet. It’s an older model
and tight around the middle. Whatever
the case, it’s soon locked in place. I can
get used to this, he thinks, it’s only a rental:
a costume I’ve accepted on a bet,
a temporary aggravation. He wants
to explain this to the passerby, but
in their rush to seize the most from life,
all are dying to escape. As they sprint toward
the park’s promised pleasures, he notices
an indistinct shape slithering across the grass
behind each: a riffle of wind or bit of litter,
maybe a snake or frisky rat. It’s only
a shadow, they insist. But didn’t he read
as a little boy one summer long ago,
as the barber shop in a magazine called True
or Real Tales that carved into the stone gates
to the Unknown it said: Today’s Shadow
Is Tomorrow’s Gorilla Suit Getting Ready?
Friday, December 23, 2011
Returning students today.And escape of sorts.
Seems it's expected of me to absolutely hate it.
You know show that curmudgeonly valor. Old Sod stuff. Scrooge and a favorite cult mixed up in a shitty old great coat.
Truth to tell I really was overwhelmed.
Really missed some. Needed to give and get sloppy hugs. Nope. Can't.
Not having committed to a family.The kids,the wife, the mortgage "working towards the future"shit- seeing them shows me where, with a tip in my direction I could have been expecting to come "home" to family, love today. NO. Never a possibility. I always leave-emotionally then physically.Why do I joke about this?
Christ I hate the fact- AFTER the fact that I cried some driving back.It's the same litany of loneliness, self loathing that I couldn't keep a love in my life again. Of course.That always seems to be there lately. .
Thinking about you Eric- so very much now. You expect, at least I did, the pain and anger to ease up after so long.
Its just gotten heavier.
I wish to God I had been able to do something. Something.
I could have helped you.It's my job.A gift. You came to me to find understanding and care.
I could have saved you.Got you to experts.
I failed you Eric. I really did.
Seeing you today would have been so very wonderful.
Should have hugged you today