Well finally reached "fed up" in my painting yesterday. At the studio for hours reading,smoking looking and of course mntally strategizing endlessly. I don't really know what caused it but as I was about to leave with thoughts of dinner and drinks/movie I just picked up a brush and took one of those mental strategies and started-so unbelievably scary-each moment it was as if my mind were a therapist questioning-prodding every move!
Stopped trying and let the paint, the brush and the lushness of that "itch" dis-appearing feeling more mobile more timely as I just broke the process down to my needs-so selfish so essential.
I cannot explain why it took so long-why would I care about anything else? Scrapping sanding pushing the color against the grain-
the results? The painting- if I didn't have to be here at the apt getting ready for an inspection tomorrow my life would have been back to those few inches from the surface again and that fear!
if im able i'll tell you how the next few days go-love you, john
you know it felt like the first kiss.ever
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